Just A Joke: Stories

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Just A Joke - "Adult Jokes - First Night"

Ketty a flower and she is the widow of former prisoners who want a family again. When the wedding day approached, she looked confused and nervous. Then he came to a physician psychiatrist.

"Doctor, I have not married because life in prison. Now I will marry again. But I'm nervous and confused. We suggest what should I do in my first night in the bridal suite, Doctor?"
"Do it like when you enter the bridal chamber with your husband first."
"Doctors believe that a good thing?"
"I think, yes"

The day after the wedding night Ketty woman's ex-prisoner, the doctor was surprised to read in the newspaper about a murder committed by a bride to the groom on the first night the couple entered the bridal chamber. Woman who killed husband is a former female prisoner Ketty itself.The doctor was curious and meet Ketty, Women prisoners in the jail.
"Why did you kill your husband?"
"I followed your advice, Doctor. Because once when I became a bride, after entering my room I killed my husband, so I go to jail."
'Cheese! Next time do not ask my advice on, huh? " the doctor said with regret.

Just A Jokes - "Computer Analysis of the Advanced Health"

One day Jhon sick to complain Chez. Jhon said that if his elbow pain. Chez advised to go to the doctor's existing computer at the drugstore. Computer doctor can diagnose the disease faster and cheaper than a doctor of ordinary doctors.

"Simply enter the urine sample and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you should do. It costs only USD. 5, - anyway."
Joko think it's worth a try, so he filled a small bottle with his urine sample and went to the drugstore. See there is a computer, Joko poured his urine and enter USD. 5, -.

Direct Computer strange noises and flickering here and there. After appearing BEEP sound, come out a little paper which analyzes the results print Joko disease, it is written: "Diseases at the elbow because most of you play tennis. Rinse with warm water your elbow. Do not lift loads too heavy. Hopefully improved in two weeks."

At night, Jkon who is still amazed by the sophistication of computer technology, doctors now think that the medical world really change the times. then Jhon wondered if the computer can be tricked. Then, Jhon make a mixture of tap water in the house plus the urine from his dog, his wife and daughter. Then on top of it, Jhon increase sperm with masturbation. Then Jhon returned to the drugstore, look for a computer doctor, pour the mixture and add USD. 5, -.Computer strange noises and flashing, then remove the print-out:

"Water is too cold tap in your house. Try to buy a water heater. Your dog has worms. Give him vitamins. Your son cocaine use. Put him into rehab. Your wife is pregnant again, baby twin girls. Not from a relationship with you. Find a lawyer. And if you do not stop masturbating, your elbow will not heal. "

Just A Joke - "If animals have a Facebook"

If animals have a Facebook, what is its status? Here are a few that have been found. But they do not know what the real animal.
Poodle Dog: wait to go to the salon
Roaches: Recently saved from death, yeah!
Cow: I am touched again by the master-rabbi
Cats: My son is the 5th just ask who the father. I'm confused what to answer. My own father forgot whom?
Mosquitoes: I am positive for HIV-AIDS boooo
Chicken: My friends ... if i no update tomorrow ... I mean already in the frying ... i luv u all ...
Squid: After the refill ink.
Pig: I slandered spreading the flu. Damn!
Goat: Happy Idul Fitri not slaughtered pilgrims yesterday

General Jokes - "Healthy Diet by Counting Calories Total"

Roy was a big fan of the Dina. One night Roy dared to invite Dina to dinner to celebrate the receipt of Roy worked at the new place. Roy waited to record what should be ordered, Dina has not been able to determine the menu that pleases. Instead she was busy matching the menu with a diet book that is never separated from her little bag.
"Today I have to eat food that is not more than 300 calories," says Dina. "If I was half-cooked egg message, it means 77 calories. Then a piece of bread, 63 calories, and pickles, 42 calories. And then ..."
"Waiter!" call Roy.
"Yeah! What are you booking?"
"Two glasses of white water, and that's it ...!"

General Jokes - "Arguing with Women"

Some time in the morning, the husband returned after several hours to go fishing, and he decided to take a break to sleep first.
Although not familiar with the situation and condition of the state of the lake, the wife decided to go by boat her husband, then she went to the middle of the lake, stopped, and threw the anchor of the boat, then read the books that she had brought up earlier.

A few moments later, came the officers guard the lake, then a boat docked at the officer's wife said, and said: "Good morning, mother, What are you doing mom?
"Reading the book", he replied, thinking ("not very clear?")"Mother was in the area prohibited for fishing", the officer told him that.

"Oh, sorry sir, but I was reading a book, not fishing."
"Yes, but my mother had brought supplies for up to fishing, so I can at any time fishing. I had to bring mom to the office and provide a letter violation.
"Letter violations only to read the book ??!!" answered the wife.
"mother was in the area prohibited for fishing," replied the officer.
"Sorry sir, but I was reading a book, not fishing ..."
"Yes, but Mother had brought supplies for extensive fishing, so I can at any time fishing. I had to bring mom to the office and provide a letter violation."
"If so, I will sue you with sexual harassment", replied the wife.
"Haah, but I have not touched the mother," replied the officer.
"Yes, but you have to bring the equipment complete, so you can do it anytime."
"Congratulations to read the book Mom ...," then the officer is gone.

Adult Jokes - "Old versus young wife"

Mrs Heni past year cranky. This is because her husband married again and the days of her husband always spent at home his young wife. Mrs Heni deliberately did not ask for a divorce because she is optimistic that her husband would be able to recover from the clutches of his young wife. Various efforts have been undertaken Mrs Heni to regain the lost pearl. His efforts include the hiring of spies to gather as much information as possible about her husband's life with his young wife, including information on their bed secret: why the husband till sticky well with the young wife.
Have accurate, the spy who managed to get very accurate information about why the husband Nonya Heni, so stay on the young wife's bedroom. Apparently, in a ritual whenever a biological relationship, the young wife always start with the games they used to call the American Breakfast. Concretely, the young wife innocently provide the body like a piece of bread and on her bedside table is available on various types of jam (no butter pineapple, Sugar-apple jam, strawberry jam) and also messes brown. Subsequently, the husband stayed to enjoy the "sandwich" with a choice of flavor according to taste that day.
"Please my hero you want breakfast of bread with a sense of what, just select it," she cooed the young wife. If fitting the mood to taste the pineapple, the husband would spread jam on top of pineapple "bread" and ate it all out. On another day, the husband wanted to "bread" with butter Sugar-apple-studded messes, and so on.
Hearing the reports of spies earlier, Mrs Heni did not want to lose the set. She realized she was not young anymore, but a sense of optimism to beat the awareness of age and body shape.Bought various kinds of jams and messes in supermarkets and ditatanya neatly in the bedroom.Schedule fit her husband returned to the nest longer, Mrs Heni was soon made herself.Disarmed all kinds of clothes, and he became a piece of "bread" in bed.
As soon as her husband entered the room, Mrs. Henipun opened the show "Breakfast" by saying: "Please dear, do you want breakfast of bread with the model and what flavor, just choose to stay."
"Well," replied the husband, "today I think I want it toasted bread alone!"

Adult Jokes - "newly wed"

A pair of newlyweds who are still innocent confusion to have sex on their first night.
"Do you know what we should do," asked the wife.
"Well, I do not understand darling" replied the husband. "But I have an idea, let's go over the bar a lot of sailors. Everyone knows that sailors expert in sex. Let us ask a sailor to teach us."
they go to a bar and find a sailor who was willing to give "lessons". "All right, let into the room above to teach you what to do" replied the sailor with great pleasure. Inside the room, the sailor drew a circle on the floor, and said to the husband "You have to stand in a circle and can not get out no matter what happens."
Long story short, the sailors do the husband's obligations towards his wife. Once completed, she found her husband was laughing alone in the circle.
"Hey pal, why are you laughing?" asked the sailor.
"I've been out of the circle two times, but you did not notice ..."

Adult Jokes - "3 Conversations Husbands"

There are 3 conversations husbands:
First husband: "I am surprised, my wife why her strange behavior, he says he wants to buy a DVD player, but we do not have TV ..."
Second husband: "My wife is even more strange, sir, have forced the purchase of gas cylinders, when the stove in our house is still oil stove ..."
Third husband: "Well, my wife's most weird, sir, he said he'd work out of town, he brought 10 condom pack, imagine, sir, 10 fruit, he will not think what? Want to be installed where a condom is? She's a woman. .. '

"Convicted, be happy"

A lawyer defending an accused is proven to try to break in without permits, "My client just put his hand into the window and removed several items from inside. His arm is not himself, and I do not understand how you punish a person as a whole for the mistakes made by the arm? "
The judge replied, "Okay, use your logic, I hereby decide sentence for the defendant's arm during one year in jail. He is free to choose, would take his arm, or not, it's up to the defendant."
The defendant smiled. With the help of his lawyer, he had waived his artificial hand, put it on the table, and walked out of the courtroom.

Hardware Technician, Systems Analyst and Programmer Experienced damaged Brakes

Three people climbed the car: a hardware engineer, system analyst, and programmer.programmer to drive and when they descended the mountain he discovered that the brakes free from tension and drove out of control.

without thinking he pulled the emergency brake, lower teeth, and grinding wheels in the bushes beside the road. Finally he managed to stop the car. All three got out and analyze the situation.

Hardware technician: "Let us try to fix it. I'll crawl under the car and saw it."

System analyst: "No. I think we should look for an expert to fix it, brake specialist."

Programmer: "Why do not we go back into place, and repeated to determine whether the event had to be repeated again to find out where the error?"

"Study"

The little boy had just started school. When he went home the first day his mother asked.
Mother : "what did you learn today, Dina?"
Dina : "I learned to write, Mam".
Mother : "Oh... What did you write?"
Dina : "I don't know, I haven't learned to read yet".
Mother : "............????"

"Golf"

Jhon :"You are doing fine, Jimmy and You tell me you are only play golf for a mounth...
Jimmy : "oh yes but it took me four years to learn"
Jhon : "%%5%6^"

"Homework"

Pretty a little student asked her teacher.
Student : "Teacher, would you punish for something wrong she do?"
Teacher : "Of course, I would punish her. why?"
Student : "Teacher, would you punish anyone for something she didn't do?"
Teacher : "Certainly not".
Student : "Good!!!, because I didn't do my homework!!"
Teacher : "h"mmmmm......."

Joking in the middle of the night

It was late a at night and Jhon mas looking for something under a street lamp.
"What are you looking for?" asked the kindly Maria.
Jhon said "I lost my wallet down the street and I'm searching for it".
Maria : "But if you lost it down the street, what are you searching here for?"
Jhon : " Sure there's more light".
Maria : ???***

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